Kudos are just as important as criticism

 

As a teacher, I sometimes catch myself being my father. When I was young I could not understand why my father was so tough on me. I felt like the odd man out because although he required just as much from my brother and sister, I felt he was especially tough on me.  

Once I was grown and had a child of my own, after a heated discussion with him, I asked him that question and his response floored me. " You are the smartest of you kids. You don't have to work as hard as your brother or sister to accomplish what you want and I hate when you make stupid mistakes." 

After that, he never harped on me about getting things done quicker or better or anything like that. I think that conversation stuck with him.

I find myself, sometimes, becoming my father. I could be extremely tough on my employees at the newspaper and I can be tough on my students. I do think they benefit because they need toughness in their lives but I have to remind myself that they are still kids and still learning. I examine how I felt when my father was so tough on me. I take a step back and reevaluate.

I also learned early on in my career to not only work on bad behavior and grades, but give kudos where they were due. I think we forget sometimes, that honey does catch more flies than vinegar. 

So this week I began emailing, calling or texting parents about the good their kids are doing in my class. I picked all those who had a high A . My ELL student names were sent to one of their teachers to call their homes and speak to their parents in Spanish. Talk about inspiring. Many of these students are just learning English and work very hard to maintain their grades. I like to say they have not become Americanized yet. 

These are some of the remarks I received from some of the parents I contacted: “Thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate you letting me know she is progressing so well in your class.”

“Thank you so much for looking after my girl. She was so excited to make Dean’s List for the first quarter and first semester this year and I am so very proud of her. If there is ever anything I can do to help or anything you need for the classroom, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

And this one, “Awww, that’s awesome. I am very proud of him because this has been very hard for him in the past. You just don’t know how much that means to me to hear you say that. Thank you so much. It is good to know we do still have teachers that really care about the students.”

For a school which is not known for its parental involvement, you might be surprised at how much these parents do care about their children. They like to hear from the teacher. They may work a lot, or have a lot of children, or simply be very busy. That doesn't mean that if you contact them, they won't care.

The students care as well. They know when you are proud of them and they know when their parents are proud of them..

So don't forget to give kudos. They are just as important as the criticism we all seem to place on our students at one time or another.